pain

What the naked eyes cant see.

2012-01-20T15:54:00.001-08:00

Sometimes what the naked eyes cant see counts . I seem that i always don't listen & i don't pay attention. Yes its true i don't attention to you , it may seem rude i know i apologize to you .But as you are speaking your heart and problems to me, my brain is trying to think of a best solution i can give to you . Its always because of this you are angry at me i understand when i tell you i do listen and tell you whatever you said earlier on back to you , you say i am not listening as i missed out a few key points . i am sorry again for that. i am already trying my best . i am working on it .It doesn't all seem like it but i am doing it .

You can say i love you to be sarcastic to you and give you grins and smurks.You will always think i am laughing at you and mocking at you . You will say i despise your friends and so on . Yes to a certain extend i will admit i do despise some friends of yours.I am truly sorry to love someone like me is that tough.

I will never be the best guy on earth but i will one that will try my best to avert you and change you into a better and classier person that i can see you can be. Yes true its to most to my liking . But i swear should you leave me one day people will judge you as a person with quality and talent.( you are attractive, i already know , you once told me you can just leave me and the next day you are attached . But this is just a add on package to you now, to go through this hardship and gain more refining it all up to you).

I am jealous but i wont show it no more for if i show it to you it will be history repeating over and over again . So i learnt how to compromise and work sometime out just so you can benefit and enjoy that one happy life and thing you want . your freedom. i am possessive, yes its true . Because for the one fact you are wild i understand. But that doesn't mean that i am stopping you from making friends and going out with them its just that i don't like that way that you are that close and happy with them . While looking at us, you look like you are living in hell,i don't give you happiness, i don't try to provide for you, i don't care for you. It hurts i am telling you it really hurts me alot. People say you should never bite the finger that feeds you. It true cause when you do its like tell that person you shouldn't bother with my life i don't need you at all. You are some a burden, bother and pest everything also must Report to me .

(i know i should say this so this will be written in black weather or not you choose to read it is up to you once you read it theres no turning back )

I know it, i just don't say. Why cause i know by saying all this it will affect you and me r/s and i don't wish that to happen cause from deep down in my hearts and through my guts i really did loved you . Until i lost the faith and trust that day you when down to Zhi wen house to eaten dinner when i insist you not to . End up you cried you felt controlled and suffering all over like you are being tied down with stainless steel chains to a stone wall. suffocating . This is what you feel inside. tell me how will you feel if i went to a girl's house for dinner just like that ? you may say orh like that lor . but truly will i ever do that heartless thing to you ?i know i can tell you dont need to tell me i know. Best of all you do not feel guilty at all. It broke my heart into two i felt shattered, panic or losing you , got depressed , confused , lost of mind , speechless , emotionless , numb, dead, zombie.Besides that the day i bummed into you and him at ave 8 at his block it was another heart breaking day. Why were even at his house? why didn't you even told me ? why why why? i know you don't like the word why .But its through this things that i need a urgent reason to assure myself my position as your lover not as a 3rd party.You didn't even wanted to reply me and meet me to talk instead you when to his house once more and this time i was around. i was fucking shaken till my heart dropped to my feet as how you prioritize him more than me and what he was wearing and what you were wearing was some what fitting for the same occasion and i assumed. Weather or not i was right i didn't care. What i cared was it was raining yes, he flagged a cab yes, we were talking and he just grabbed you by the hand as if he was your boyfriend straight into a cab. There is no form of respect in this motherfucker(zhi wen) . To you, yes its just a conversation , but to me its a make up conversation, And finally to HIM TO BREAK our communication that will lead to a break up. Yes all of this is what i think. to whom you believe go ahead. i just have to assure myself nothing happen its alright with those texts you sent me that you were going to ikea to find your mother and so on. But to how true it may be i will never know i just have to put trust in you. That day shook my body so hard i could barely stand. i was breathless , speechless and in alot of confusion and paniced.

It then appeared to me that we were about to be over. i guessed from instinct and tried my best to win you in every way back but things just took downhill snowball movement.What i though was the best and good for you was all bad from what you see.Not long after you broke up with me . and i was right i was about to happen. Desperate to get you back i didnt give up , i tried again and again fighting the fate i refused to give in which proved none except to avail.

Months past and we weren't any better. i tried harder and soon i died. my heart died . soul died. the sparkle that my eye had died. All was lost i had lost the war against that motherfucker. Even if he couldnt get you , he managed to destroy us , probably hes happy in my point of view .

I am speechless , the amount of pain i feel was describable . the level of sadness could reach the universe . i had a hard time living . it was like hell on earth just that i was soulless body doing an everyday routine . passing each day like that . i didn't had the spirit , courage and bear to move on . for the sick i loved you so much i will even die if you just say the word. what more do you want? How much is enough ? Am i really not that qualified for you ? Do i really treat you that badly ? Do you think i pull you through alot of hell? Do i really weight you down? Did i really managed to stop you from falling ?Am i that not much of a lover and heartless to you?Is that really what you see me as?

compare me to the past and now . i am more precautions as i am afraid to feel that pain once more so i dont step in too deep for when you like it you leave me i will not revert back to as i was when you left me.

This is not all . it doesn't end here . But this are some problems that you can never see or hear for this is whats that is running through my brain and head. you will never get a chance to receive it until now when you finally feel like talking and i spell out things straight in your face.i know it is mean and so on but yes i have to do it for your better understanding of me and i need you to understand for that way you will know . and i hope this improves our r/s not damages it .

i am now trying my best to love you once again. i really do mean it. i love you jia yu

Post once agian

2010-06-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

Posting once again in a very long while .....

Yesterday friday 4th of june went to school as usual for special term programme . Blah blah blah....... skipped the boring stuffs ... had recess eat breakfast ... had test ...sainz sia .. test test test test test ...... holiday test ........ win~ .... then after school go home change ....

For what ?Literature lecture ...great ... biase cause express go in morning we (normal Academy) go in afternoon .......... clash with my D&T timing ....... nuts....

well nevermind then ...... monday go back and do .... dnt ..... hopefully can finish it properly by next week if not every single day go back school for nothing ....... i want that A1 or A2 .

Before seminal baby come to find me to go to raffles place . she dropped at dohby to buy tickets for the movie :D Shrek 3 Happy ever after .Reached late . bummed into zs ~ and another girl from our school . navigate our way there . listened ,dozed and awaken.

3.30pm woot finally off great ....... Choing ar .... to the mrt . took a train to find baby at dohby. Reach and took a lift to 5th floor :D saw my super lady !

We ate the chicken rice she bought in the morning :) it was yummy thanks baby for the egg added :D it was tasty!Follow which we went to buy some nachos :D and then when up 1 level to catch the movie ... the movie was average to me i guess it was all quite predictable. only that puss was abit fatter and cute .

Watched finished we went window shopping at Plaza sing ~ we went to numerous shops and stopped by Couple lab o.o we were tempted to get rings but broke to the bone . so ended up buying nothing :( ... sorry baby . we went back to hougang and take a bus to her place and had dinner before i sent her home :) the dinner was great ..:D baby was shagged awww :( hopefully she had rest well although she was hungry . good night :)

baby today had to stay home to take care of her brother :( well i guess its sacrifice i have to make do as she cant always push away responsibility . so ya she stayed home . i stay home we all stayed home . Nuts so bored ... i just wished she was with me so we can go out and have fun :)

Nevermind we will bear until tomorrow :D when she comes over to have fun :D well I cant wait :D

2nd january 2010

2010-01-02T14:05:00.001-08:00

new post saved in daft .............. =D people happy new year ~

25 & 28december2009

2010-01-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

25 December 2009
Merry christmas to you baby =D
I hope you like the present i got for you =)

Merry christmas to all out there !

28 December2009

Happy belated 3rd month baby~
Cant post anything cause my desktop died long ago got problem.

sorry about the other day .......
the original post is in the draft ...... so ya .......happy 3rd month baby .......

And to those that are at her blog seriously as long you dont go find trouble with her nothing will come find you .... anything that happens to her i give you 10x worst ...and i mean it ...... so if you are there just to tag you better think twice about trying something funny ...

17th december

2009-12-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

just fuck my life... i really hate myself now .... why bother trying to make things better when it only gets worst ? so .... i had enough ....

Our first movie~and our first card

2009-12-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

early in the morning i woke up got ready and launched to baby's place to call her up ~ happens to be that someone in the middle of her slumber woke up ...... not me but it disturbed her rest .... so ya i feel kinda sad for her ...... i want her not to be disrupted from her sleep as shes very tired yesterday ......

well she got up she bathed and we had some breakfast at kovan ~ beee hoon+egg+cabbages :D pretty healthy? .Got baby some 100 plus non-chill for her ...tried to help her ease her pain ... everynow and then....she looked so painful i cant do anything ... well i tried my best i guess...

We then headed down to hougang interchange to take 27 to tampines IKEA .Well we got there alighted and ya both of us were in pain for a reason hahahaha XD well.... got that settled .... eh we went in and had a wonderful adventure of our life time we planned so many things said so many things we had go so intrigued by the thing we wanna do we just couldnt stop talking about our future :) it was kinda nice we liked a special display we nicknamed "one room flat"that was a really nice place ....... i wished we could get that now .. it would be great ....

we spend about an hour or so in IKEA and we left that place heading to tampines mall to catch a movie ~ we went into the wrong mall in the start then we moved to the other one next door and ya we found it ~ it was aaround 2.30 we go the tickets to watch the movie we decided 2012 it was kinda nice i guess we had laughter and heroic scenes so ya..... well its our First movie Watching together :D kinda COOL i like it :D .We then headed back to hougang to catch some dinner at the kopitiam .. ended up with yong tao fu's stall food again :D was kinda ,wishing it was. We ordered some ingredients and 2 bowl of rice ,one for each of us .We also printed out a card photo of both of us reminding us of who we love :D anytime we miss them we can look at them :D the staff that did the photo card's service was rather poor i was kinda disappointed .She SUCK at her job!

After eating we headed straight back to baby's place and i sent her home as she was very tired i could tell well hopefully she can rest well tonight... :D today was fun

Hold my hands & dont let me go

2009-12-03T09:50:00.001-08:00

Early in the morning woke up to go find baby ~ =D kinda happy to see her :D ..
Bath and then got dressed ... headed down to baby's house then ended up she still snoozing and ya ..... well woke her up i guess cause shes having a meeting with her girl guide's mate later ... she got up bathed and we were underway ...... reach there le we bought her school books for next year ~ o.o new books sia ~ hahahaha ...i am strong cause i am using her muscles says baby~ hahahaha

After awhile her friend was at the 119 bus stop waiting for her she had to do a delivery and make a move ..i think she didnt have much time i guess? well nevermind ba baby took the cloth and opened it up sadly it was of wrong measurement ........hiaz ended up her other team mate just woke up and couldnt make it so we headed down to rp and have some breakfast at kopitiam .We had chee chong fun ~ with prawn fillings hahaha ... it was all we still had some bee hoon and a shared a cup of tei peng (ice-tea)~

We head to baby's house to change her clothes in between she wasnt feeling well her tummy was rather not obi-dent and cause her to have a sudden mood swing ...it was because of the tei pengz...she was done although still abit moody we went to my place for me to get changed i did at swift change and we slacked abit near my house but then went to harborfront station ....

There we went shopping for baby's shoe/heels that might fit her ~ but ya proves that it wasnt easy and was rather demoralising as her feet was rather small so ya the sizes they have were abit bigger so it couldnt fit .... well while being at harborfront ,baby really Held my hand tight .... It felt great . I felt alive as she gripped me so hard as if she didnt wanna let me go :D .

we had dinner and ya we headed back ba since there was nothing to do ~ soon i send her home .~

Baby i am going crazy......

2009-11-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

Baby ....i am going crazy ..... my body is crazy ........ my mind is nuts ...... there are so many things going on in my mind i really cant take it ........ i really dont know what to do .....i cant sleep now it keeps haunting me .......... FUCK IT .........

BABY I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW .....................
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
BABY ........................

i know i upsetted you i am sorry............. i dont wanna disturb you sleep......
although i messaged you a couple of times i guess you are asleep so its good you are sleeping .i guess i shall not call you up .......

tml is the day i guess i see them off ..........

2009-11-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

I guess tomorrow is the day i see my brothers all off in a graduation high tea......its kinda saddening but ya...... its my job or my part as their friend / brother to ya see them off ..........

Got most of the things ready except my v neck.... the blazer is bought yeah............ the winterwear jacket too .......... yeahhhhh........... right on thanks to bryant ~ thanks man...

zzzzzzz now i kinda emotional about seeing them off ...... shouldnt i be this way ? well gotta be abit atleast cause ya they are my brothers and they are leaving so ya you cant blame me but i am gonna pull up a smile just for them ....... to see them off one good last time .......

although it will end at 5 + ya i will leave around 3 + ba i wanna find my girl ...... and spend time awhile with her in my best look .... going to town ba and stroll around ba..... then have dinner and send her back after that .... ba taking alot of photos with brothers and gf tomorrow ......oh ya gotta settle some unfinished business too...... might be abit upsetting.. i guess its better end off then stilll dragging on some stupid shit ....... no point holding on to it i wanna end it as painlessly as possible..... sorry ..... if you see this ......

well now still confirming up who to go with and where to go how to go and ya what time to go =.= ....... kinda last minute and stupid ..... well what to do its their day so ya tag along ba ........ thanks zu hao ... for saying thanks ......

tomorrow gonna be strong and send them off with a smile ...... atleast i guess ..hopefully ...

baby ~ i miss you loads

2009-11-15T03:33:00.000-08:00

baby ~ i miss you loads ....... its been two days since i last saw you.... i totally miss you alot ..... i feel so lonely without you around ...... i just wanna see you and i just wanna talk to you ............ as much as possible ... i miss you i miss you i miss you .....

yesterday i talked to her on the phone until around 4+ its nice to hear your voice once again ..... i really wanted to talk more but she was tired so asked her to turn in ba ........ i might have took somethings overboard so ya sorry baby i was not in that a good mood sorry ~....

i said too much le but its over le so smile .....:) baby i love you i really do... so dont go bottleing up your feelings to yourself. k? love you~

What the hell am i doing ?

2009-11-12T06:53:00.000-08:00

Wednesday went to anchorvale cc to swim with jon ,bro ,jian rong and qian liang .

Brought baby along too .She wasnt feeling well .... even until today i am still very worried for her ...she hasnt recovered yet ....so she didnt went down to the water .i should have asked her to come cause it was stoneing there for her all the way ....... sorry baby.....

Baby today met up with me went to kovan and ya ..... i spoilted the mood once again .... by forcing upon her saying i wanna send her home ask shes not feeling well ..... great ... there was a cold mental war ... no one wants to say anything .So ya i am in the wrong so i tried to make up for it ....

While walking out of kovan ... i grabbed her hand ... asking her whats wrong .. then she told me she was going home wasnt she not suppose?.... Dam foolish of me to even do that ... i shouldnt have asked her to go home even though i care for her health but ya .... that was abit too extreme.... with that out of her mouth , i knew i was in the wrong ....

instead of trying to correct it i just sighed and squaded down putting my head onto bar ....cause i dont know what to do ...... i am so vexed at myself for being dumb and forceful with her .... i told her i will love and not to harm her in less than an hour after meeting her i just broke it ...

well i amended my mistake asking her not go home as i know she doesnt want to and as i dont want her to cause i miss her ........so ya we walked up the coffee shop and thats where i apologised ....... i really felt vexed and discouraged by my ownself .......she hugged me ...... in the time of moment everything went silent ....... i was totally in a state of blank and speechless ......why ? why ? why ?she just took all my though away from me . within a spilt second ... i felt like crying but i just couldnt i then took her to walk into kovan again we went popular and we bumbed into chelsea on the way to popular ....

After dinner while sending her home i gave her emtional and mental shock twice ......baby immediately broke down ....... this time i tried my best to comfort her but it didnt prove of much use .... i hugged her and patted her on her back thats practially all i could do at that point of time ........ she broke down that harshly i paniced and she looked pretty depress and dead went she was walking to the elevator ....... i tried to comfort her again by huggging her in the elevator and her house gate ........ damit ...... shes still abit broken ....... i am so sorry baby ..... i really am ...... i wished i could now take care of you being sick and your restless nights i will hold you tight ensuring you will be able to sleep ...... damit ....... sorry baby ....... well i decided not to sleep today inturn to accompany her until she falls asleep tonight ....... that will be what i do no matter what .........

baby i am sorry .....

9 th of november

2009-11-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

baby i wrote this only for you ...
hope you will like it :)
enjoy~

I'.... love you and I'... need you
Baby, I love you, I do
Need you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Girl, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Uh-uh-uh-uh
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block
from me
And she got the hots for me, the finest thing I need
to see
But oh, no, no, she got a man and a son, oh-oh, but
that's okay
'Cause I wait for my cue and just listen, play my
position
Like a shortstop, pick up everything mami hittin'
And in no time I better make this friend mine and
that's for sure
'Cause I..I never been the type to break up a happy
home
But there's something about baby girl, I just can't
leave her alone
So tell me, ma, what's it gonna be
She said, "You don't know what you mean to me," come
on

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Girl, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Uh-uh-uh-uh
I see a lot in your look and I never say a word
I know how n****s start actin' trippin' , and hate up
all the girls (lol dont know what he said lol)
And there's no way Baby go for it
Ain't fucking with no dame, as you could see
But I-I like your steeze, your style, your whole
demeanor
The way you come through and holler, and swoop me in
his two-seater
Now that's gangster and I got special ways to thank ya,
don't you forget it
But it ain't that easy for you to back up and leave
him
But you and me we got ties for different reasons
I respect that and right before I turned to leave
She said, "You don't know what you mean to me," come
on

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Girl, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Sing it for me, K ?

I love and I need you
Baby, I love you, I do
And it's more than you'll ever know
Girl, it's for sure
You can always count on my love
Forever more, yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you're shaking right
Down south, I know you're bouncing right
West coast, I know you're walking right
(Cause you don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swinging right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Girl, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

East coast, I know you're shaking right
Down south, I know you're bouncing right
West coast, I know you're walking right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swinging right

East coast, you're still shaking right
Down south, I know you're bouncing right
West coast, I know you're walking right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you're still swinging right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Girl, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you're shaking right
Down south, I know you're bouncing right
West coast, I know you're walking right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swinging right

East coast, you're still shaking right
Down south, I know you're bouncing right
West coast, I know you're walking right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you're still swinging right

taken from nelly dilemma :)
edited for baby
ben's version for his baby
thank you please dont copyright hahahaha
i know i ought to be scolded =X
well ya i love you baby

what am i thinking ?

2009-11-02T07:14:00.001-08:00

haiz i am pretty exhuasted these few days kinda lost and kinda thoughtless ........ zombieness ....... kinda suck ...... i am lost of word and lost of thing to do........ kind of lifeless .....

i feel and i know i am kinda control freak and a paranoid .... its really hard to push that shet aside.....zzzzz really bothering ..... i cant stop thinking about many possibility and when it comes to the think i got to do i cant think of any ideas ........ great .

cant kick the habit ,its gonna be hard but ya i am still trying to fight it staying on the positive road .... ya?

Last day of school?

2009-10-30T23:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was supposing the last day of school for the lower secondary i guess .... it wasnt ours we still had 2 more weeks kinda stress building ......really that sucks .But its all for a good investment and good cause ....praperations for next years O level paper...

Yesterday morning just packed up the class abit gathered some books sorted them out and totally Donated them to the school prefect project stand for ntuc needies ~ ......Was kinda boring for a friday .... totally sucked .... no cca ? hurray? no teacher for lession hurray?

The thing that kinda bothered me was my prelim results...it was horrendous ..... failed everything except science ...had mc for english.zzz kinda depressing to see all the u grades .it really demoralises you ........but its lucky for us that we received it after our n level or surely we will be shivering in fear that we might fail the battle againts the N's ...

Went home ... forgot to return class key ........again ....... GREAT ! ...=.=
headed down to school once more and claimed back my ezlink card~ kinda important........went home once again changed and got ready to go out ... met baby for lunch and went out for a bit of window shopping depositing my $50 too .

We went to slacked awhile at different various places .......... baby then told me she wasnt feeling very well since yesterday.... i was right i guess i had a hunch that she wasnt feeling very well ... she was push through and ya she slept early the day before and had a headache acting up on her when we were slacking at a park ....

It rained heavily ...out of a blue i took my jacket and cover her with it.. i dont want her to get sick ..it was kinda romatic at that moment of time at night ... heavy rain woot .. no one around kinda sets the atmostphere right.

soon had to move our assess and got dinner at qi ji hahaha we had mee chee chong change the two words inside and you will understand .we then stopped at a Muffin stand inside the mall . Baby bought a Blueberry and chocolate chip muffin ,one for her and the other was meant for her brother ....

we walked the way that was directed to her home but was stuck under the shelter of a coffee shop because ya it was raining ... we had some heart to heart talk allowing me to understand her and giving her some knowledge about me and my life...we understood more and we grew closer ... soon the rain stopped and i sent her home and got my ass back home for some dinnner

Kinda weird day

2009-10-29T00:35:00.000-07:00

Today was kind of a stupid day ......totally boring no life and had pe totally stupid played captains ball and fell 2 times .....stupid .zzzzz too light a body? or totally weak? who knows ?well gotta train i guess .

Today mrs brian and mr kenneth lee showed us a video that continued from the past where we had stopped and it was about the chinese girls( babies) in china being abandoned to die just like that ..... so ya its called dying rooms .It was kinda sad and it was painful to see what lazyness can make us do as it was too trouble and a bothered to us.therefore tying them to a chair with their hands and legs bounded to the chair they wined in pain and destressed till they are exhuasted ........

Soon if they ever did catch a sickness or a diesease , they will leave them in the dying room i guess ,leaving them there to die ... alone .. a lonely death .....what cruelty we chinese are that heartless and that fucked up i rather not be a chinese . . . So much for the one child policy ......

After that mr kenneth talked to us about what we should be thinking about ...... i was then questioning myself... what the hell is it that i am living for ? What was my purpose in the world? ,What am i gonna do after graduating..?I was thinking too much that i ignored my girl for a minute there ..... kinda emotional there.

I didnt send her home cause i just wanna think things through and not spoil her day.... to avoid accidental cold war..... well i just spoked to her online and ya as shes bathing i am writing this i told her about everything and ya i guess i shouldnt think that much in the present time..now time for me to bath gonna meet her later so ya ~

my girl whom i love so

2009-10-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

this girl is one crazy nut one in which i never came across before ...... she crazy , fun lovable , cute ,entertaining and caring to those who are around her ...... neglacting herself .....regardless the situtation ......

This post is devoted for you and only you my baby ........ to you ,whom i am so deeply in love with.

I really want to thank you first for being mine and to thank you for being that so caring baby who is worried and wants me to recover sooner ,not to mention that she also wants me to be happy all day and all the time ........

Whenever i am around her i feel so comfortable and relax ,always laughing about silly things and jokes about one and other ......... i feel that we have alot of things in common which i think is good , cause if i am crazy and she is crazy ,woot we are crazy hahahaha.

She always makes a smile that really melts your soul and she always wants to keep aside most of her problems just so i am happy with her and not knowining anything ........
shes just that considerate .. i really love you baby ....... i really do .......

Baby i want to be there for you to lean on you can cry on me when you are feeling all uneasy and uncomfortable ,around me i just want you to be yourself and let loose not to carry around all the burden by yourself but i want you to share it with me as to we are a pair and if one should suffer the other one shall share the pain to strenghten this bond that we share in common ........

I love her for who she is and i am willing to give anything in my position just to support her and to help her ........ be it my time or my life ........... i am willing to set it down as i know to her i am priceless to the world and no one else can take me away from her and no one can take her away from me ... i love you baby :)

thanks for being there .......i will be there too for you

my off day

2009-10-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today was the promotion day i think that was the reason why i didnt had school ba .Woke up dude to a message this morning around 6+ ya kinda rude , slept for another hour knowing that ,that will a phone call .7.35am came ya and there was a phone call .Went down to have some breakfast then came back to snooze ,that was some nice nap i really had.:)

Then woke up around 12+ showered ......then got dressed went out ate lunch and came back to grab a bottle and a tower headed out the door and went to school .Head back home after that...

Got stuck home helping mother throughout the next 1 to 2 hours .... so ya actually plan to go for a run and work out abit .Ended up just lifting some Dumbbells hahaha and did some push up weeeeee weeeet ~ and commando crunches wooooooooooooo ai seh~ hahaha i know this is kinda stupid but ya its fun :)sweated it out woot felt the burn and pulling it felt good .... i am so gonna tone up this flimsy body of mine into iron ~ woot gotta take alot of hard work :)

went out to hougang mall to buy dao hui and a chocolate pancake :) nibbled abit of dao hui went home and buying food on the way home; ) now about to go to sleep .

nights to those are reading this ;)

this sat

2009-10-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

today woke up around 6 ~ to go eat breakfast end up fall back asleep then never mind recieve a call at 9.10+ went into the room and talked abit before arranging for breakfast . Met around 11 .10 stolled down to kovan to eat .We walked around aimlessly not know what to eat ,walking in and out of kovan hahahaha...........
finally we walked randomly to QiJi which was really "Qi ji"surprising cause ya random as i already said .Sat down and though of what to eat well i ordered 2 sets of set 3 nasi lemak? And ya a drink which was wasted =.= no sugar wtf?lol a sugarless barley?wahahhaha
Shingz....

After breakfast slacked abit at some random playground and ya slack~ chilled alot ......really alot pretty hot day ya the wheather was pretty fine and so was the surrounding and the setting its so comforting.So dozed off abit and ya we talked and played abit ,and at around 2pm phone calls started to ring ya and kinda annoying rather ... but sad to say we gotta seperate ways .... as we were heading in different ways .....aw......on the way home in the bus ,after the bus interchange's stop bus 80 turned right and stopped for the traffic it then rained leaves ....... kinda nice and fuzzy feeling ya you know > you know ? hahaha

Went home bought mother some food ya and then start to stone infront of the com

One last thing for my classmates as their chiarman

2009-10-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

yesterday , was late ya........... not feeling well ba sleep very little only like 3 hrs ? ya sucks i know ........... came school scaped free thanks to carol's execuse hahaha ....... really thanks ~

while being held back my form teacher appoarched me for the class photo's 2nd page .... :/ feeling very uncomfortable with that and because i havent bath also kinda stuffy ~ ya .Then scaped free thanked carol and headed to maths class .Kinder garden school teacher never come ,HURRAY ~ thanked mr wong for teaching me graph before my n's was of big help as to my graphing ya really sucks somewhat ...lesson ended after that was lit ~ ben came in and told him that i will start the 2nd page discussion with him after recess ......

RECESS~ bell rings which brings joy for the hungry mobs lol.......

since wasnt feeling well due to lack of sleep definately gotta eat... so ate lor japanese store STICKY rice set A .i ate with ivan and girl who i didnt know ba ~ asked ben to jion in he totally ignored it and pass . nvm then ~

after recess a brilliant idea struck my empty brain , we should make a class tee-shirt maybe?
well i wanted to confirm then ya as usual the responds from the class was totally not really co-operative .Hate the fucking basketballers $5 this and that still want dry fit ,your mother open de shop maybe still have la ,then what $2 shower cap , goodnesss sick are you gonna be so retard to even wear a shower cap to school?

well......... i totally got mentally drained out and demoralised .... to think of all things i could spend my time on regaining my beauty sleep i had to do this thing which they couldnt be botherd and couldnt care less about it ? then why the " SHINGZ " should i ? its not really fair for me ........ i am trying to give you all one last memory to treasure in your secondary school and yet this is how i am treated then forget it ba you all can jolly well die and rot ba ... i could give a damn anymore .....

my life is turning for the better

2009-10-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

back to posting guys =D

hiiiiiiiiii its been awhile ya....... lots of things happen recently ,apparently N LEVEL IS OVER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee time for a job
*Flash back*~~~~~~~~~~~~ MR lim: Within your short holiday we will be holding a breaching programme for your final year in northvista preparing you for your O's , so please you are not encouraged to get a job.

shit =.=

equation
no job =no $ --- 1
no $ = no buying or new stuff ---- 2
no new stuff and going out === unhappy

hence since i cannot buy new stuff and go out , i am unhappy .........

my life is now on the brighter side ~ great for me =)

well looks like its time for training for breaking and time for volleyballing ~ hurray

*2nd flash back*~~~ still got chinese language basic (clb)

=.= shit again .=.= lol

N levels

2009-10-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

todays paper was kinda tough man zzzzzzzz hopefully dont fail lit cause if my humans screw i am straight into ite =.= which i never wish to go ........ i tried my best and so shall it be i really did my best and i can only do my best for the other 2 more paper tml maths paper 2 till 10 + and D&t on mon ........ i really needa pass and go sec 5

its always has been like this ...

2009-09-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

its always has been like this ....... i am always the one at fault ,the one who always has to suck up to whatever my brother does .... X it ........ i hate it ........ he always say i am dumb ,stupid ,ignorant idoit or bastard ...... what is wrong man .... am i that a sore eye ?

For him to do something wrong nobody gives a fuck care and when i do something or force my way through something i conclude to myself its right , i always get fucked by him : Ben you are really an idoit , you are stupid , stupid ,ignorant idoit . What the X ... am i not a human ?am i wrong to do what i believe is right for me ? Or is it because you, from express are always correct all the time that i must get X by you just because of what i did .

So what if i fought for my laptop with mother for that am i wrong? i have strongly proven to here that ,that is what i really wanted and craved for a long time and i am tired of waiting for a new computer . no point fighting ,no point even trying to reason cause why it still will end up as i always the one in the wrong .

Should anything happen the fingers first are pointed at me .Every single day........it makes you feel like a total mistake in life you shouldnt even have been born . you shouldnt even been my brother , i should have been her son , i should even be part of the lee family ... my heart is breaking down ,i am self destructing with each time i put on a cold reaction bottleling up all my feelings to only myself and only me .

And when i am all alone i would curl up like a ball and just sit in that one corner not speaking to anyone or doing anything just sitting there to stay safe and comfort myself i am not a mistake or am i wrong i did it cause i felt that its right end of story. I would repeat it over and over again until the feeling dies out ,resulting a lost of reaction and emotion .

Friends are more than what you thing is another being that talks,play,teach ,eat with you . For me i feel most comfort with my friends as with them around my worries about the family is gone as it doesnt exsist in the particular moment which somewhat relieve me of my stress .Daily laughter with friend is a habit for me i guess , i dont like my friend to feel what i am feeling neither do i want to see that so bored and tired or upset so that is where i start making jokes or say a figureative speech such like "thats what you call shocking " etc....

Compare my family to my friend i would say i can sacrifice any amount of time or help i can give just to give em a hand than compared to my family ..... my family is not one that is much to talk about or a bonded family or such etc .. its a broken down family , the house its just like a hotel , you check in when you want you book out when you want.There is no sense of bonding in the house .Each only wanting to live their own life making their lifes convinent to themselves and to themselves only.Which human is not that self centered? You have your own life to run what in the world would do you need to bother that much into life of others ?

Its one hell of a weird day

2009-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

woke up at 5.45 am today just to buy some chocolates for mom's friend ,came home put chocolate in fridge and collespe on bed and doze into lala land.... for like dont know what reason i feel tired but the will of getting up is there so ya got up lor... on my laptop ,stone infront of the computer until 6.45am go bath and off to school........

today was kinda relaxing as after english totally filled with 3 periods free ............... at recess ........ i tried to paying lesser attention to thy but still its kinda hard to but ya i am trying ...... feels kinda funny and weird i guesss i this is one of those emotions i dont know how to react to due to lost of emotions?

headed home after eating during chinese period ...... damn i forgot to take my pe shirt damit =.= messaged jian rong to help me take he replied and woke me up from bed i replied and went back to sleep .Waking up around 6-7pm,i gave him a call asking if he helped me ..... his replied totally left me infrurated .... i just got out of school... wtf you cant go back and help me get it is it? you no brains ar ? totally unreliable and man totally too rigid in your thinking la ... you can just go back up help me get is it ? it will killl you ar?His questioned me then you leh ? i reached home liao ........ so really man i so fustrated man ....STUPID STUPID STUPID ........ arghhhhhhhhhhhh ....... forget it ......... i though you were reliable but i guess you are so not man ...... from now onwards i am so not gonna depend on you man ........

ang kat balls man lol

2009-09-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dont ask why i put that as the title i dont know lol . just felt like it.totally boring day in school got fucked up at maths class getting fucked for talking in a mock exam when we finished and handled up the paper . Great.....how nice can the day get?boring day totally sucked and moodswinged abit and went back to normal after awhile ...... bo steam liao....hiaz life is sad ........

After school go eat with bryan koh and the rest,went to mac first then changed to kfc then eat . Eat le go home chill chill awhile then went to go kill abit of guys ya.... totally fustrating in the first few rounds damit stupid food =.= ass run away when i need help wtf man.... nvm that ....

after that headed to school did literature homework hmmm maybe still abit lost at literature ....oh oh that means i needa buck up alot more now as my days are numbered..... hopefully dont get screwed by mrs bryant tml zzzz......... now sorting some things out .... conclusion is that i cant fool around for the time being i guess lol too risky ........

hiaaz olivier if you see this next time we go out slack screw and curse the whole world lol ..... for fun no harm

its a start of a movement

2009-09-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

hurray got a laptop. finally after such a long time i got a personal com .my N'level have covered english and social studies .English kinda worries me,i think i might have dragged a bit too long before getting to the real points "promises" i wrote about 7 promises to my dog .A total copy from 10 promises to my dog just that it is summarised and cut shorted .

social studies went pretty well for the section A i got a really good feeling about it as i really put in alot of effort and didnt had that much sleep though still i managed to pull through.Section B ..... i can infer from my answers i screwed up really badly .the evidence is found in my own guts as i have a somewhat bad feeling about it.

o well whats done is done what to do? take it as i did badly for english which is getting a c 5 so minusing from 19 ,5 is 14 i have 14 points to juggel the other 4 subjects . hopefully i manange to pull through.

I will now push my limits up and further .i shall not count on luck much but more on skill . as with out mastering most subjects i am screwed for the next year . i just pray thy shall make it through this critical crisis .

Fear of me

2009-08-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

Today school life was rather awful ...... i wore some ku ku tight pants ya it was pretty hard walking ... and ya it really sucked.I recieved the results of my maths total for prelims .... it one of my Ace Cards ..... how is it that i failed ..... 65/140marks ......rather disappointing and goes to show failure i am ....
Maths one subject that i plan to ace has just cause a downfall for me ..... i am really losing it ......
Miss matilda huang said that it goes to show two things :
1)the answers i knew that it was confirm correct was not enough to pass me .
2)that i was too careless ,Overconfident .

Damn the hell with maths ...... If this was N level i'll be a goner .luckily it is the prelims therefore still standing a chance in the real exam.The fear of the me going to ITE is really building up i totally do not wish to end up there its not what i want.

The mood for the day was fliped and became sulky and moody but to enlighten me abit,one of my worst subjects turn out to be a pass my Physics .Usually its not good but ya i finally passed 28/50 not that good but ya its an improvement for me from a non pass to a pass .Its a miricale.

Well whatever the case went home and bought my uncle a cake for his birthday .Sad to say he has deceased.It pains me to accept it and to be able to remember him again with just end me up in tears .Either way HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE KEN.

After bringing the cake home went to meet oliver wei jie and steven for dinner then go study in school.Today i tried to really study .I studied physics from chapter 1 to 3 .Then some of us venture into the dark school grounds .
apperently only olivier and me were the only two who went touring the first floor and ya the others all ran like little girls .Lol figurative speech*

This is one thing i been thinking since i retained ...... damit to hell man .My Fear that is there is a gap between my friends and me the level difference is really getting to me just with one grade difference really bothers me alot as now they are gonna have their O levels and leave this school forever .while i am left alone as usual....this time the loneliness is permenate for sure the min they graduate i am all by myself ....... i cherish my friends alot and it pains me that they are leaveing for their better future and i am lacking behind and who is to blame for the extra year ? Yes , me .Its all my fault for working non-stop and destroying my future myself with my own hands and mind i destroyed part of my life .They are whom i have a bond with a part of my life ,apart of me
with them gone ,its gonna be empty ,and without them my body and life is not complete and its left that way .... i dont know what the hell should i do or how to react ...... i guess i will wither with time and live in temporary happiness even if it will last for a min or two .Just as it always was ,the loner who used to have no emotions and no feelings at all .... it will best to just stay a loner and care for no one and no one to care for you therefore only bothering about yourself and being only responsible for yourself only...... hence there shall not be anymore losing of friends or any lost of me and pain that will stumble upon me

I am Lost?

2009-08-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

i realised these few days in the period within my prelim till last friday that i am lost in life.The passion drive is not there .And i have no aims in life .I have seem to let off all hope and determination.Damit whats wrong with me ......... i cant tell whats right from wrong now adays .I am so confused i have lost track of my life and my insticts ..... i am lost ? i guess ?

I live a boring life with friends that come by once in awhile .By nature a loner why is it i am scare to be lonely?
thats odd the emotions that potrait this picture is wrong .Everythings wrong, I am wrong .

To whom am i seeking my answers from to whom is it i gain my strenght from ?I want answers and i want a guide ,a guide that will lead my straight from astray though computer games ,gadgets ,enviroment .To be once again the sharp and be able to focus once again .

My wish to be lost again was granted but now i cant get back to my reguilar self . My wish was to be lost and found again being proven that i am wrong in my life and change over .... but i think the process is still preoceeding ....

I am not whom i used to be ,what i wanna be ,as i should be
What the hell am I ? I am still staying in my small and confined space awaiting help .
Sitting in solitude ...i wait alone

Two weeks of hell

2009-08-12T01:34:00.000-07:00

Finally two week of hell is over .... been well ,fallen sick ,recovered and sick agian.Great........
In between this two weeks plus never update my blog totally no time and i am dead exhuasted by the time i reach home
so ya ...... sleep and the next day begains .... and ya history repeats itself. I had fun talking , playing and training but sadly i am wearing myself and push my limits off the gauge that i am to stay within as by doing so my health is affected by my actions .

D&T FINALLY finished offically ....... hurray . done le .but i screwed up the journal abit so i am not that satisfied one bit

Monday was a pretty nice day ,we laze aroound until like 1 , i was the oragnizer again,so ya i called zu hao ya,never picked up the first two times and it seems that he didnt respond .After bathing and getting dressed up i got a phone call from him and ya agree to meet him at the mrt ya .Dressed up as a black v neck ,transparent glasses,brown geans and a black and white shoe wit a brown backpack with my hoodie and psp inside .then i called bryant and bryan they both said they will meet us there so ya me and zu hao went first and i manage to buy some food from the stall up at plaza sing.$6.60 shit sia i go make set for what sia i got a drink my bag =.= ... hate myself sometimes lol.Met up and limin got the tickets to"G I JOE" oh yeah.....

that was one hell of a whack ass action show . fancy gadgets hot babes and evil viliants ?lol the gadgets are cool as i liked the cyberenchanted suit which ya cost like a billion dollars enchanting your physically strenght , jump and defend ,not only that what ever you think about will pop out infront of your screen. cool huh? I WANT ONE XD

Went all elses fails,We don't. Good phrase .

And heres something else

The Heart is something that keeps us alive until the day it stops beating
but the day your hearts breaks it means that you have lost all emotions
The mind is something that controls all knowns all and informs all
so whatever you think and what ever you do it is send by your mind to you
Love is one that gives us beings thrill to enlighten this miserable world
It can bring momentary joy and bring lots of pain and suffering after so.
But the question is why is that so?
The Second chance to be forgiven is not as easy as it is requested
to earn is one thing to gain and upkeep it is another .
To be able to love again like you used to might be abit difficult
as to all you done ,the opposite knows
so you better think of something new.

Another one of those days(2)

2009-07-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

The work i done in school

It was pass 5+ and i went home from school.managed to catch a bus 119 .I was ringed up earlier by my friend if i wanted to slack at compass .Well naturally i would agree and i did.Well lets just say it was the most wrong thing i ever did today .

Seriously i went there to slack ending up getting pissed of by a bitch who thinks she knows all and the best thing is she names me a "dog" .Nevermind that i suppressed my anger and tried calming down but the bitch wouldnt even shut the bloody fuck up when i am not talking even to her .She will ask my friend which is also her friend eh you understand dog language ar ? All i can hear is woof woof woof.What is he trying to tell us his mad ? or does he want us to call the SPCA.

The best thing was i never even offended her .Her reasoning of why i am a dog and why she hates me is because of my face it doesnt look good la ,i smile then look like some pervert la .

Seriously who the bloody hell does she think she is ? It doesnt mean that you are a girl that gives you the right to insult someone else just because of their looks .Who are you ,GOD? Jump down and die la please your fucking face is as good as a car just ran it over la hor .

Saying until like i am some stalker or what .What the Fuck la hor . Please la my friend ask me come down slack not come down to give you fuck me upside down 1 hor .You curse and swear about me i dont mind i will tolerate as much as possible but have you no dignity ? Bitch!My parents also want scold and insult? Who the bloody hell you think you are some god that will cast judgement on people depending on their looks thats the result they get ?You are seriously too overboard.

My day from the slacking mood went straight up to nearly the last straw. My friends although didnt really do anything to prevent it i can see they couldnt do much either and the more i talk back the more it gives the bitch the chance to say that the dog is barking can you understand it?

Damn you to hell bitch i swear if you are my friends friend you are as good as dead .Another joke to laugh at ,the bitch comes along and says i am a Jerk not like a gentlemen ,but Whos the one starting the fight and add oil to it trying to test me is it?If i am not a gentlemenly like ,your face would have long meet the wall or the table.

Doesnt mean i dont say anything ,Doesnt mean i dont feel anything .I seriously question myself why be so gentlemenly like for? Is that a point ? Cant i be some bad boy causing problems here and there?So for once can i be the bad boy?

Random postage

2009-07-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

The day is bright and all smiles are back on track
Away with the dark clouds that shuns me from the sun
I want to be bright
I want to be enlightened

Thus the time that one lost to implusiveness
Has regained control of his consinece and has rebooted
The Smile All The Time Programme

Cells systems green
Muscles systems green
Attitude systems green
Bracers systems red ( T.T how long more sia )

All systems go . Smiles ACTIVATE .

Facial muscle pulling at 100%
Lips are open 80%
Bracers shown 50%
rubber bands constriction 150% (ouch )

Lol dont ask me why i writing this its for fun i am bored.

Self entertainment from -10% recovered to 80%
Slacking attitude from 200% has dropped to 100%

Thus the smile is up and runnning
And that concludes this post .

One of those days

2009-07-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Well today is one of those days....where i do not feel like myself at all.Today school started off with english ya lesson was ok...Then social studies miss huang never come as she had course so ya free period and this is where my friend took a picture of me using my phone.Ya now the mood is really turning into serious as i am studying .After that was p.e. my yon was pretty disappointed by the class attitude as only 8 person wore pe attire.

Recess ate with jas,jon & jian rong well we ate and then ya as usual jr and jon proof disappear .Used to it nevermind , left jas me and eng kun was there eating so we decided not to pang seh him .(see we so good ,zai hor)

D&T ...................... the recess ended the smile it was there that the whole day flipped .i was doing the acrylic that would help to suppose the handle from like yesterday till today .... today i was rather coming impatient to completing my product for once and for all.I ended up super glueing it for like 3 times it didnt work as the acrylic wasnt flat .it totally racked my product and ended up not sticking together .Dam the hell am i pissed and i had enough of wasting time .... i tried to take out the other side which managed to stick resulting it breaking....... that was the last straw

i totally lost the calmness i had .Impulsiveness took over me ...... i couldnt think right from then on. The bell had rang and the stains had harden and dried up.Looking at the damaged i cause i crumbled into bits .

To the effort that was been wasted for almost 2months of constant staying back gone to waste .

Lit was next and i told mrs bryant i wasnt in the correct mood she understood it but i still tried to pull back my focus to the lesson as i dont wanna fail anything.

Ring ~and the lesson ended . Met choco outside the library planned to go in but diverted to the workshop. I wasnt myself then and i think i lost control of myself all my emotions went wild.

Upon seeing the hideious scar again . i feel angry and furated and the limit finally broke .

Choco realised that i wasnt in the correct mood and she tried calming me down which didnt have much effect .She tried all sorts of things she even tried saying that she would throw something at me .I know my personality well enough . i would give a very slying or fakesmile grin one with the phrase "try me i dare you" .

well she tried conforting me as i keep rebending my holder again and again and again ... which actually made my mood swing worst.As i was lost in my impulsivenes i smacked choco's leg . I didnt really wanted to do it trust me ,it was pretty loud and she didnt react after that i was pretty much suprised well ."Sorry ,Choco" my apologises if you see this.(Thanks for being there)

well after that i chased her away after that fearing that i might injure her due to my lack of control .In a good way i and saving her and in bad way i am chasing her away i think i was trying to save her but in the end i ended up shun her away which did pretty much the same ...

Not long later the Ladies of 4n2 and jasmine came into the workshop ya i know my face seemed pretty down and upset and somewhat scary .Sorry if i might have scared you all or what.

I managed to complete my product and tried to head home asap due to the mood swing but got delayed by mr tay with the lecture of my journal.

After that slacked away in school i dont know why but i was planning to go home ended up there slacking until 6 before going to eat at rp . then went home on com lie down on bed for awhile fell asleep until 8+

i went to check my com to see if i had a conversation ya i had one zoe was talking to me she seemed somewhat worried . ya thanks for concerning

Weds is boring as usual

2009-07-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

The usual wednesday,boring like shit ........ wake up around 9.50+ tmd abit goggy ... i went school at the school around 10.15am .Was pretty crap ,i remembered to take the kitkat for choco.Reached school in time and ya redrawed the class key , set the bag down and slacked~ ......Then took the ku ku temperature and when to library and exchanged the (brown)kitkat with a (white)kitkat with choco.we talked a bunch of crap ya was pretty funny we laughed abit here and there ...

Bell rang and went up back to class for CDP . totally retarded....... teacher taugh us how to make a break up less painful and hurting ..... better still,got song to hear ..... pretty dumb huh.Some
interesting lesson that was ....... gabriel and bryan was singing some crappy love songs in a very
unpleasenting way (zao sia).

followed again by math the kindergarden teacher ... heng her lesson she got phototaking "D
i open my kitkat shared it with jon ,jas,jr and me .Come to realise they all J i the only B lol abit odd ball .Nevermind that . english miss C.pilo never come for lesson "D again free period so went down to do D&T .Mr yushir (dont know how to spell his name) i understand can le lol. help me to finish up my product , with the handle and the magnet with the door like crap .The door and
magnet wasnt really a problem ,it was with the stupid handle we tried to do it like 5 times only the 6th time then pass .Dam irritating and funny cause we do and laugh do and laugh so ya distracted i admit abit kuku lol ....... well whatever the case i Finished my product offically Hurray.

Finally dont need stay back leeeeeeeeeee got time to study le . But must balance anyone wanna go out? lol

Back on track

2009-07-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Right on . Finally finished my D&T artifact . Stupid peice of shit took so long to make sia now need to update my journal and just need to finish off the handle and it should all good to go . Today pretty boring in school lesson not really anything that hooks up the interest expect chemistry ...... needa buck up more ~ zzzzz .

Before recess today got phototaking quite fun la~ waste maths perioid~ stupid teacher ,teach like nursery kids ....... sucks sia ,might as well open her own kindergarden suan le.Maths totally lost its interest le thanks to her .....

Miss C.pilo ask us do letter writing my mind was pretty much blank anything i though i write down . it was more of an impromt2 letter so ya not verry good ya....

after school actually didnt plan to stay back for some reason i still stayed back and do d&t do until it was nearly completed argh..... took quite long and tiring shit sia ....... hate the stupid drawer thingy stick drop ,stick again drop ,stick one last time ,Drop.I had more then enough decided to use Double Sided tape LOL ...... dont ask me why i just lazy to try anymore .

After that went to the parade square and played netball . lol seriously i am not cut up for netball but ya i still played it with them .pretty tiring match for dom had to score most of it i just played as the game maker clear and pass nice ....... ya after that before going home
buy cat food .dam tired go home message people and sleep ......dam shag today

we are the best

2009-07-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one hell of a day , it was lots of fun with the guys .From the time i woke up kanna screwed by han yi until the end going back in the bus with shawn and olivier . we were big dummys with a great flavouring attitude to the start off the fun . =D reached downtown east about 12 to 12.15 to meet the guys ~ reach liao wearing ear piece cant hear anything until i recieve a phone call from shawn who was behind me with the guys . Met up went in and got changed i need to take off my top and that was it my water suit lol .shared a cabin with dennis and we shoved our bags in there and are all set to dive.
Wild Wild Wet was heaven to us as we saw pretty much what we came for lol not telling ~
We went for donut like thingy ride 2 times and went 4 rounds of the laggoon for funnn...
While that happen well we happen to bump into this trio who had pretty much got splashed by wei jie who was actually splashing me sad case they were behind me lol ...... dont ask me why ..... i just turn around and apologise for quite a few times feeels a little weird ~ lol
we all went tsunamiing lol pretty stupid we played and floated there and CAPSIZED EVERYONE WE KNOW LOL ....... Freaking fun ....... me and zul went to explore the back of the tusnami thingy and found a sweet secret areana the waterfall was such a nice massage..... man that felt good if only there was a table to lie on that would be heavenly
we manage to talk to the trio and pretty much made friends .....although i got spoken bad of by them ya whatever its ok ........ well we had more then enough at 5+ changed and went to eat at some ku ku restaurant.... lol forgot what name ate hell alot of icecream sick man ~ lol
we all then when e-hub and slack outside the arcade and before we left the trio passed us and we decided to make a new friend so ya ......... after that we got drinks from cheers and when off after the pull ups at the chalet we all feel like it was the end of the year but it isnt hahahaha........ we head home after that ........ now my head is hurting like shet man ........ dont know whats wrong ...

updating once again

2009-07-02T09:07:00.001-07:00

Man its been long since i ever wrote anything in here its been too long well nevermind that. Now i am back to update everynow and then i guess .The "N" level examinations is like 2 or 3 months away damn it ....... too short time i think i wont make at my rate cause my science is like hell messed and screwed up dragging down me grades ....... my design and technology is another pain in the ass why of all things i though of some stupid sqauries box like artifact .. pretty Square if you know what i mean ........ hahaha hopefully by tml i will be able to get the stupid shet done cause its really starting to cause me some worries ...... damn the hell i must push on harder i cant go on like this at this rate i am buying a straight ticket to ite if i dont push up man -,- Die also dont want go there ....... i will force my way through...... man now like 00:14 of 3/7/09 man super tired well this is where i end my update to be continued some other day whenever that is i go sleep already

Mistake to learn from once again

2008-07-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

...... today is another day to remember 25/7/08

today is real crap i ran down to the opposite side of the bus stop
by trying my luck on trying to catch the bus i dropped my psp and my bottle.
now i am really upset and wished that its only had been a dream

i cursed and sweared at god , yes i did ,but it does make my psp come back
so either way i have a lesson to learn from this
to my psp farewell ....... i really feel like crying and just lie on the floor not moving
ever again....... its the second time i lost it ........ its a good thing i manage to find
my nike bottle given by nui er~ but ...... still the fact is that i lost my psp
the data ,the time,the effort

such agony comes upon me once again but i still will try to be strong and go through the trail
that my god has set for me ....... i am really hoping that somehow rather i will be able to get the psp back

revived ~ =.= HAPPY birthday annabel

2008-07-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Hey to you all who are viewing my blog it has just revived~ WAHAHAHHAHAHA
pretty crappy for a revival i guess =X hahaha

so many things to do so little time . well yesterday celebrated birthday for annabel
as she has just turned 16~ wow clap clap clap~

At first i met peter we had a bit of window shoping but then we came upon the huge
susage well i bought 2 as a way of blessing peter for blessing me with a cup of milk tea no pearl
i also got myself a new wallet from topman O YEAH~~~~~~~

We then went to meet up with shawn and hikaru and annabel
peter and i sat a the side of the lift eating the huge susage it totally look so wrong ... if you
know what i mean

then we waited for another 2 shorties~ jereen and alicia
hahaha well cant blame them well hahaha jereen got pretty "angry" when i told
her she was no longer the tallest among the 3 girls when the annabel the 4th came in
she was the tallest XD ownage XD =X

if jereen saw this i think i am dead ~ x.x

hahaha hopefully she will forgiveme if she saw this =P

o well back to the story we when to a fast food restuant and had dinner following
with a surprise cake for annabel . it was pretty funny as we were on the way to surprise her
the candle went out , we quickly backed down and lit it then charged to surprise her XD
somehow there was a fly that crash landed into the cake ekkkkkkkkkk =.= spoilter.

then we got swedsen to cut the cake we all had some , took some pics and chatted pretty long

All is well , Ends well

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2008-02-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

yo you maggots out there.. HAPPY NEW YEAR~ hopefully you are cash loaded at the end of the month and ready to spend it XD no matter what my new totally was spend at mac for 4 days >~work ,work and more work ~ crap lor ~ total only $364 i though should be somewhere $450+? o well i i strive so hard like a maggot ~ sainz diao ~ doing so much of OT then $0 ._. iwanna kill people liao. so many days of work my body totally shack man~ leg got injured swellled so i didnt went to school today... although i went down to collect pay my leg hurts alot .I totally had nothing but 2 spicy ,3 foldover ,1big breakfast and a sussage egg muffin & 4 cups of ice milo , 3 cups of green tea , 1 lime ade and finally 2 ice latte~ sick la~

o ya sun day shawn called me and i think i scolded him well didnt mean to only did cause i on work and crap the maggots who keep coming in .what to do rush lor to feed those hungry maggots .i apologise for giving ya that reaction but i recall that i told you working through out that new year ~ ....... bottom line sorry about that ~

another day

2008-01-19T09:49:00.000-08:00

Hmm just another day~ zzzzzzzzz well quite boring ..... usually ~ nothing nice to do ..... just dont know what thus will do ....... so sainz ~~~~~ went out with bry to buy some cny clothes ~ ended up with a 4gb memo~ lol funny outcome well never that ..... wanted it ..... got it ..... ?

revive?

2008-01-13T02:04:00.000-08:00

hahaha ..... back to post zzzzzzz recently nothing nice to post ~~~~~~~ zzzzzzz what to do ? hahaha now so boring and now raining zzzzz haiz sainz lor ~~~~~ playing mh 2 to pass time and i am back to give some life into my blog ~~~~~~~~~~~ what ever last year is gone is gone this is ya brand new year ~ XD well new year new beganing new ending new friends new me new style new attitude? lol i dont think so ~ hahaha well nothing much to write only that the weather now really bad lighting zzzzz i scared~ ? lol na this year i retained ? still sec 3 never the less its ok ..... i feel that god is telling me that , that is something i must do or someone that i must help ....... well what to do? wa paing the weather really chor ar ..... i went to close window that lighting strike scared me ~ wa load and fast seh~~ scary~~~~~~ ya

sickness?

2007-11-16T05:36:00.000-08:00

....... zzzzzz crap sia........ i yesterday had a bad cold and angel was having gastric pain and today still we are sick ...... today having coughs and cold ,angel having a really bad gastric pain pityful her...... hopefully we get well soon ya.......

tired........

2007-11-16T05:08:00.001-08:00

aw man i tired...... the chalet...... was crap ...... 3/4 the time we were unable to use the room cause due to some unknown reason ....... still the fact remains we were suppose to only have 3n2 people there ........ hiaz well the more the merrier .. so they didnt care bringing people of different classes....... i didnt care much for the food nor the room actually... i only cared for the incident that happened....... luckily me and steven were not there to witness anything .....their story was that saw an white figure at the so called " red house?"

then limin suddenly walked backwards ......... so everyone followed...... limin was actiing weird .... for a peroid of time and shawn and royston decided to pray for him to give him a sense or sercurity.... but before they could do it he went out and i had a talk with him as we went into the creepy parsir ris park ..... we had a "man talk" which is to talk out what ever was troubling you ........ and he spilt out that he was depressed due to the fact his girl had left him and that he still loved her ...... o well conforting him ......... then shawn and olivier came to advice us to head back and so we did

we headed back but not for the chalet but to the nearby stairs infront of the mini stage , there royston and shawn decided to try praying for him but still we went off point a few times but after melva and the rest had came we had shifted our location behind the stage where we pray for safety and protection .

after that was done we headed back and requested the rest who were in the chalet out of it ... we manage to recapture the chalet and decided to eat at 4+am...then go to sleep
well my angel on the other hand was still quite hyper at the moment so me,shawn ,ida,angel,hong xuan and jon jon when blading ....... it was quite funny though ... i think she isnt skating much but atleast she tries ..... and with the help of the rest
we was able to pull through although she fell afew times ..... i think there was only 1 fall that hurt her the rest was reduced..... hong xuan on the other hand was a "model" he would try a crazy stun and when fallen pose as if he was mean to fall that way lol well nice 1...

we have bladed finish and all was about to sleep ....... i advice angel to sleep but she doesnt wish to ...... what to do i cant force her .........force her she will listen meh..... only try by tryingto take off her glasses ....... she refused and hide her face ......still i continued to try to please her to take her rest she still doesnt wish to..... around 8+ hong xuan me shawn dom and jon jon went swimming ....... and i came back first as i knew something was wrong with my body and that i wasnt feeling quite well ........ i went back and bathed and changed i still see angel awake but she wants to sleep i can see that ..... i know my body cant make it le so i went to rest........ still angel mostly got 5-15mins of sleep only in there how pityful.......

can words be truthed?

2007-10-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

To all people out there .... do u think words in this world can be trusted? if u think u can trust this word then u are an idoit ........ words such as " forever" is mostly a lie. and how can u explain the word "i will protect u"?its just the mouth that says it and making another feel good ....... its not really like example the person is gonna be killed and u will rush there to block her bullet or knife stab? no correct? u can save that person of no doubt but u think carefully and ask yourself.... saving this type of person is it worth? and dying for him/her am i happy and fine with that?

then words too aint really reliable..... as people can say dont worry "leave it to me" then that idoit total forgot there u go ....... getting blamed for something that u though u can believe in ....... stupid aint that? ...... words like "i wont give " is trustable but it needs a strong stand to hold it up .... futhermore the word "i will wait for you" is a total bullshit ......... cause how long can u wait ....? yes true you can wait for days , months, years...but does it pay off ? ..are u satifised huh? ....do u think your wait is worth the years and days? ..... stupid words like this should never be used as u can wait but will it even come true no one knows .... and that do you think the other people who u said you will wait be yours .... that is up to fate the rest is total bullshit......

reality?

2007-10-24T01:12:00.000-07:00

One has to live a life of a poor and humble family while one may come from a rich and proud family..... thy live in the same world even though u may be poor and rich whats the difference the fact u are human thats enough to end the sentence ......

who gives a damn wheather u are smart rich and handsome ? ..... in this world knowledge is what will provide u with those paper dollars .... which means that if u do not have any knowledge the will power of earning those stupid paper dollars = 0.... simple as that ...

being poor also doesnt mean u can never shine out and be noticed by other people ....... its just that its a rare and seldom chance where a special event or occurance will boost ur level of fame or your chance of shining out in the world..........

i learnt that being poor and stupid does not mean its the end but the fact of being a stupid poor begger, really will leave a scar on me ...... it will really hit me hard and good...... i do not think i will be able to handle that pain or pressure...... given by all the failures...... it pushes me to the very end of what my metal strenght can hold or is up to.......... it leaves me in confusion and a "trap" ...... not knowing what to do first confused by other things that catch the attention of my mind ....... mixed up by all those bull shet ......

Hell does it suck...... being confused ......i cant think straight....... its leading me to a mental breakdown....... not sure if will land in insitute of metal hospital ......... even if should i lose my sense .... its best that i go there ..... lacked of self control will be very dangerous i would rather bang my head agains a wall then to strangle my friend till his death.... without knowing it and doing it with an empty brain...... it really hurts alot ........ i am confused........ help........

thinking too much about too many things how when why and what .... is never too good .... i though for too much and it cause me too many worries ....... demoralising my own spirit to do anything........ it sucks....... and zoning out too many times at 1 shot is not good man .... i can hear what u say but what u say doesnt go inot my head so whats the point ? its as good as u are talking to the wall.......

hopeless failure.....

2007-10-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

...i am such a failure.... fail.... fail and more fail....... what the hell man.... this is totally just "great"....my end of year overall result just suck.... great.....i think most likely i am gonna retain for next year.....such a disappointment...... and a unexpected result...... well ...... there is nothing i can say or do ........my results are already in my face..... even if i wanted to blame anyone i can only blame myself........for being that dumb or stupid not being able to learn that much or to learn what the teacher teaches ...... the truth is i suck and i know it...... i already knew that i would get such a result .... i predicted such a downfall...... just that i didnt expect it to be real......

i am a disgrace to myself.... i cant believe that my friends can pass while i am left behind.... man the hell does it suck.... not very happy with that .... friends go pass while i stay behind...... kind of gives me the feeling i am an odd ball or an "xtra" person or left out..... i dont really feel anything anymore.... i have become a "cold" and hated person.... is that it?...... have i just left the world without knowing it? couldnt be.... cause i will be left behind after this year as my friends move on to sec 4 i will stuck at sec 3 ....again.... i will most likely feel abit too uneasy..... due to the fact next year sec 3 of 1993 surround me as sec 3s and i as suppose to be a "sec 4" is stuck at sec 3 ...... its such a disgrace..... my fellow friends who see this post ...... " KNOW THIS AND GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD , IF U DONT NOT WORK HARD NEXT YEAR ...... U WILL SEE MY THE SAME LEVEL AS U THE FOLLOWING YEAR".

As the times go ... thy friends will start to leave and be forgot or get lost ...... no matter how many friends u have they will leave u someday and that will be 1 of the days u will forget or lose contact with them.....then the gaps between u and ur friend will widen up and soon they will not remember who u are even though u can work in the same company or live in the same flat not "recognizing" each other .... and just like that the bond between the friends has disappeared..... thy ..friends shall be with u , and thy friends will slit ur throat....
One may hold the word "friend" as an important "thing" but ,the question is does your "friend" take the "friendship" as important as u? ...... thatz the real question ....

Wrong ar wrong ar......

2007-10-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

hiaz.......... i think i had a very wrong idea man ........ a wrong image .....so what the hell ..... ignore it la......... who cares .... its only 1 of them anyway...... since its no use trying then what for try....? since i am forced to withdraw.... then forget it la ..... been trying so hard and endured that much whats the point? i think i hoped for too much and though of it in a too positive way already...... i think its high time i woke up from dreamland or from daydreamin..... it will never come true so what for......anyway...... give up ..... its no use trying countless attempts which never even improved the situation.....so i think forget it ...... i did too much of thinking i think ......... why will it end this way i do not understand ..... why is it so hard for you to understand...?

o ya my maths test paper overall fail ........ zzz crap..... nothing much expected anyway......

Funny day

2007-10-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today's a funny day....... today was total crappy....... i woke up around 12 like that then a phone call came from an angel ........... asking me to go out .....-.-" then go pasir ris.... dam crap lor rain .........sainz .... then waited till 1 then go out ..... didnt knew what to wear but either way anyhow wear la........

i been wondering for the half the day ...... if i was a bit too "Xtra " there cause all seem to be too quiet and wrong........ i dont really know was i right to even go in the first place......
man it feels so wrong ......zzzzzz then today somehow angel lost her wings and fell from heaven to earth....... zzzzzzzz cant catch her in time .......sad..... well angel ended up with a minor cut la ...... not really that bad cause rainy day ..... well went to watch "wood COCK " the movie..... total crap..... 1 word to describle that show "COCK".....lol dont think this in a dirty way...... its a phrase only......

well after that go home seprated with angel and her friend ........ went home with eric and shawn........ zzzzz we go mac eat until no money ..... T.T all my money.........then go across the road to the oppisite bus stop to accompany eric to wait for his bus..... i had a terrible stomach ache then no choice we left eric and headed immediately to shawn's house ............... then after that we slack at his house for awhile then go play roller blade then at 1+ coming to 2....... i went home ..... still worried for angel.....

B.boy says

2007-10-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

arrghhhh............ yesterday stay out with friend until 4.30am.....walked back from vari nice then ..... fell straight asleep due to tiredness...... breaking ........ then still pack macdonal's store room......... wa paing no more energy liao ...... needa rest to recharge ...........

this morning woke up late.....zzz suppose to mean suhpakit at 8 in the slept until 9 lol =X
pai seh ar....... lol ..... didnt meant to ......... cause no tired liao i am sorry...... ar lol.....
he chased me through the phone and i got down and met him ......... man that hell was training
at the gym nice its been some time since my body felt that good........

after training at gym we went to the nearby coffee shop near my house . after eating we went straight to my house changed into b.boy outfit and departed to meet my friend..........
had quite a nice dance battle but ....it was crappy ............ suhpakit had improved alot and that is good but still he needs to improve more and gain more fexibility........ which i myself needs too as i wanna do nike >>>> XD which i got injured from ............. man seroiusly ouch........it hurts to fall on ur head and for ur leg to hit a metal bar........

anyway i dont care.......... as what ppl would say "no pain no gain" << .... i think its true and that "practice makes perfect" ......... which i am aiming for ......... i wanna get my nike and my airchair T.T........... so hard my wirst power so WEAK......... needa train more ........after that me & pakit met T-G crew and went for dance practice the chero .... lol dam funny but i learnt that my hip twist was wrong .......zzzzzzzzzz now needa relearn its ok i can do iT!

on coming holidays

2007-10-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

zzzzzz......... d&t last paper on weds ...... dam slack............ 2 days holiday monday and tuesday ....
nvm who cares free what XD lol what to do XD slack lor XD ...went breaking but got injured ..
yesterday fall and hit head againts the wall and floor wa dam pain...... see stars......
ouch man ......... breaking is tough but not tough enough to kill the interest of this b.boy
i am not gonna give up i will practice and practice ..... make myself more flexible XD (it sounds
so wrong ) lol ....... if u noe what i mean ......... hopefully i can pass my exams for this year ...

for next year my life will have to change liao no more punking around must become more disciplined and control of my life ....... if not like that can go die liao ...........no need go take N or O
levels ......... man it sucks .............. knowing that u suck u still dont try making u a big sucker then u are ...... not suppose to be ........... arghhhhhhh man kanna bang on the head liao wake up liao...
hahaha to learn such a lesson is really painful if u really got a "bang on the head" man ......
zzzzzzzzz now dont noe what to write liao cause head pain lol ...... sorry man ...... although
i am strong ......... i also got my limit i am no such iron man

Please let me go up

2007-10-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

now end of year exam le
what to do..... choing lor although i know this is a low chance that i will
be promoted to 4na
i still will give it my best although it is not very much likely to pass
please let me passs

Who is the angel?

2007-09-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

Who is the angel?

no one knows hahah only i do

A promise to an angel?

2007-09-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

a promise to an angel i guess ? hahaha.... i dont noe what the hell am i writing but i know
i had promise an angel about something yesterday ....... no matter what the cost it will be kept.

Sick~

2007-09-18T08:44:00.001-07:00

hiaz ..... monday the first day of the week always fall sick dont noe whats wrong
body sot liao ..... must be i over exhuasted myself out time after time again and again
without knowing it but still ......... have to live on ..... what to do?

posting a late post

suppose to be posted on last sat..... but go chalet then no chance to post
well went for service day first then go home change and head out with bryant to go
downtown east play play ........ by 7 i went to meet the T-G crew ..... wa paing
the food there so much seh..... now got sore throat ...... then we play game at 2+am
we play loser drink beer i kanna afew times....... nothing much actually....... worst thing
is that we make all the drinks like f&n orange and ice - cream soda + pure mango syrup
green tea and ice lemon tea into the cup the loser who guess the number correct drinks it
as a forfite hahaha......... i kanna the pure mango =.=" dam freaking sweet ........
i also kanna the orange mango - iceream soda .......tasted quite nice but the ice cream soda
should be more then the syrup if not nice liao.........

1 week le.......

2007-08-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

Today is the mark of a week from my lost psp .........

i received news today that some bad boy was holding a psp (black )
which is surprising ......... i mean its not that i am bad la i mean it could be him

father lord ...... is this a signal u giving me? if it is thank you i will look into it......
thank you god...... it gave me a bit of life...... and i humbly request for ur guidence.
and help god............. thank you ... in jesus name i pray A'man.....

its been six days..

2007-08-11T10:42:00.001-07:00

its been only six days ......after the lost of a very treasured item......

father lord i really need ur help to get it back please father lord ,please show me
some of ur grace to let me get it back

3rd of the missing psp

2007-08-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

Today my school celebrated national ......
The parade commander cocked up abit but manage to smoothen the situation
nice 1 man.....

still i upset about the lost of my item.............

god please do something about it........

second day of the tragic.......

2007-08-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

Today.... was quite a crappy day.......
i dont noe what am i doing the whole day i like a living dead only doing as told
no brain dont noe how to think 1.......that sucks..........

my heart now is full of confusion due to the fact i lost my one and only psp that
i spend my hard earn pay on it yet that bastard tooked it for free that s.o.a.b.......
i really hope with all of gods grace i will get it back......

In my life i would only do things that i think its worth going the extra mile for.....
For me i had the idea that if i would to work the money i get from my pay is
to enlighten the burden that i will demand from my parents which is ......what i think
is not right cause by asking them for things just like that and for them to produce it
for u........ i dont think its quite right ....... i rather use my own money to spend it on myself
therefore i can say i have no guilt .... that my parents will buy for me the things i want
........

Father lord in heaven , i am here to pray to u ........ humbly asking u to help me retrive
what was stolen from me ...... father lord ..... i know i am asking for too much but please
i really cant bear to see my hard earn money , just taken away from me .............
i need an answer , i need a sign to show that u are there for me....., i need u to help me
retrive what is mine ......i will be very greatful for the help and therefore never ever
forget that my god was there for me and i will do my part as one of your sons to bless
others in anyway............... thank you god..... i will really appriciate it if u could really
get my psp back to me......... in all mighty name jesus A'man..... thank you

My beloved.......

2007-08-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

....... today my psp got stolen in school ...... i seem very depress about it
many of my friends are trying to cheer me up thanks guys but still i feel really
empty somewhere as my psp was a major part of my miserable life ..........
without it ...... i dont noe what i am going to do........ pls come back to me my psp........

i now feel so fucked up now .........save me someone help me ..........

Father lord in heaven ......... please today i got my psp stolen from me today
i dont noe what was the reason for losing it but please god..... i really want it
and need it back its really a major thing in my life ....... although i havent
been good lately but please dont because of that taking away a percious
thing in my life father lord i believe in u that u will hear and foresee the
matter .......... i really hope that u will answer my lowly prayer ........and
return it back to me .......... in jesus name i pray A'man............

2007-07-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Zzzz....... today dam tired in class whole day sleep
whats wrong with me today i slept for 7hrs still not enough ?
i usually sleepy only 3-5 hrs now sleep 7hrs cant wake up
ridiculous....... i just dont believe...........
Today .... i registered for macdonalds membership as everyday of week
mostly we usually go mac to eat after school so that is a way to earn back
the lost money XD hope the guys dont mind XD hahaha...... Member.......
yeah refundable rewards

2007-07-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

today is 23th july ........

Well i woke up late ..... and rushed to school in a taxi and i reached scholl by 8am as i timed myself....... i followed up with my maths lesson but still i am not very sure with it