Friday, January 20, 2012

What the naked eyes cant see.

Sometimes what the naked eyes cant see counts . I seem that i always don't listen & i don't pay attention. Yes its true i don't attention to you , it may seem rude i know i apologize to you .But as you are speaking your heart and problems to me, my brain is trying to think of a best solution i can give to you . Its always because of this you are angry at me i understand when i tell you i do listen and tell you whatever you said earlier on back to you , you say i am not listening as i missed out a few key points . i am sorry again for that. i am already trying my best . i am working on it .It doesn't all seem like it but i am doing it .

You can say i love you to be sarcastic to you and give you grins and smurks.You will always think i am laughing at you and mocking at you . You will say i despise your friends and so on . Yes to a certain extend i will admit i do despise some friends of yours.I am truly sorry to love someone like me is that tough.


I will never be the best guy on earth but i will one that will try my best to avert you and change you into a better and classier person that i can see you can be. Yes true its to most to my liking . But i swear should you leave me one day people will judge you as a person with quality and talent.( you are attractive, i already know , you once told me you can just leave me and the next day you are attached . But this is just a add on package to you now, to go through this hardship and gain more refining it all up to you).

I am jealous but i wont show it no more for if i show it to you it will be history repeating over and over again . So i learnt how to compromise and work sometime out just so you can benefit and enjoy that one happy life and thing you want . your freedom. i am possessive, yes its true . Because for the one fact you are wild i understand. But that doesn't mean that i am stopping you from making friends and going out with them its just that i don't like that way that you are that close and happy with them . While looking at us, you look like you are living in hell,i don't give you happiness, i don't try to provide for you, i don't care for you. It hurts i am telling you it really hurts me alot. People say you should never bite the finger that feeds you. It true cause when you do its like tell that person you shouldn't bother with my life i don't need you at all. You are some a burden, bother and pest everything also must Report to me .


(i know i should say this so this will be written in black weather or not you choose to read it is up to you once you read it theres no turning back )

I know it, i just don't say. Why cause i know by saying all this it will affect you and me r/s and i don't wish that to happen cause from deep down in my hearts and through my guts i really did loved you . Until i lost the faith and trust that day you when down to Zhi wen house to eaten dinner when i insist you not to . End up you cried you felt controlled and suffering all over like you are being tied down with stainless steel chains to a stone wall. suffocating . This is what you feel inside. tell me how will you feel if i went to a girl's house for dinner just like that ? you may say orh like that lor . but truly will i ever do that heartless thing to you ?i know i can tell you dont need to tell me i know. Best of all you do not feel guilty at all. It broke my heart into two i felt shattered, panic or losing you , got depressed , confused , lost of mind , speechless , emotionless , numb, dead, zombie.Besides that the day i bummed into you and him at ave 8 at his block it was another heart breaking day. Why were even at his house? why didn't you even told me ? why why why? i know you don't like the word why .But its through this things that i need a urgent reason to assure myself my position as your lover not as a 3rd party.You didn't even wanted to reply me and meet me to talk instead you when to his house once more and this time i was around. i was fucking shaken till my heart dropped to my feet as how you prioritize him more than me and what he was wearing and what you were wearing was some what fitting for the same occasion and i assumed. Weather or not i was right i didn't care. What i cared was it was raining yes, he flagged a cab yes, we were talking and he just grabbed you by the hand as if he was your boyfriend straight into a cab. There is no form of respect in this motherfucker(zhi wen) . To you, yes its just a conversation , but to me its a make up conversation, And finally to HIM TO BREAK our communication that will lead to a break up. Yes all of this is what i think. to whom you believe go ahead. i just have to assure myself nothing happen its alright with those texts you sent me that you were going to ikea to find your mother and so on. But to how true it may be i will never know i just have to put trust in you. That day shook my body so hard i could barely stand. i was breathless , speechless and in alot of confusion and paniced.

It then appeared to me that we were about to be over. i guessed from instinct and tried my best to win you in every way back but things just took downhill snowball movement.What i though was the best and good for you was all bad from what you see.Not long after you broke up with me . and i was right i was about to happen. Desperate to get you back i didnt give up , i tried again and again fighting the fate i refused to give in which proved none except to avail.

Months past and we weren't any better. i tried harder and soon i died. my heart died . soul died. the sparkle that my eye had died. All was lost i had lost the war against that motherfucker. Even if he couldnt get you , he managed to destroy us , probably hes happy in my point of view .

I am speechless , the amount of pain i feel was describable . the level of sadness could reach the universe . i had a hard time living . it was like hell on earth just that i was soulless body doing an everyday routine . passing each day like that . i didn't had the spirit , courage and bear to move on . for the sick i loved you so much i will even die if you just say the word. what more do you want? How much is enough ? Am i really not that qualified for you ? Do i really treat you that badly ? Do you think i pull you through alot of hell? Do i really weight you down? Did i really managed to stop you from falling ?Am i that not much of a lover and heartless to you?Is that really what you see me as?

compare me to the past and now . i am more precautions as i am afraid to feel that pain once more so i dont step in too deep for when you like it you leave me i will not revert back to as i was when you left me.

This is not all . it doesn't end here . But this are some problems that you can never see or hear for this is whats that is running through my brain and head. you will never get a chance to receive it until now when you finally feel like talking and i spell out things straight in your face.i know it is mean and so on but yes i have to do it for your better understanding of me and i need you to understand for that way you will know . and i hope this improves our r/s not damages it .

i am now trying my best to love you once again. i really do mean it. i love you jia yu



Labels:

Posted by ben at 3:54 PM

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Post once agian

Posting once again in a very long while .....

Yesterday friday 4th of june went to school as usual for special term programme . Blah blah blah....... skipped the boring stuffs ... had recess eat breakfast ... had test ...sainz sia .. test test test test test ...... holiday test ........ win~ .... then after school go home change ....

For what ?Literature lecture ...great ... biase cause express go in morning we (normal Academy) go in afternoon .......... clash with my D&T timing ....... nuts....

well nevermind then ...... monday go back and do .... dnt ..... hopefully can finish it properly by next week if not every single day go back school for nothing ....... i want that A1 or A2 .

Before seminal baby come to find me to go to raffles place . she dropped at dohby to buy tickets for the movie :D Shrek 3 Happy ever after .Reached late . bummed into zs ~ and another girl from our school . navigate our way there . listened ,dozed and awaken.

3.30pm woot finally off great ....... Choing ar .... to the mrt . took a train to find baby at dohby. Reach and took a lift to 5th floor :D saw my super lady !

We ate the chicken rice she bought in the morning :) it was yummy thanks baby for the egg added :D it was tasty!Follow which we went to buy some nachos :D and then when up 1 level to catch the movie ... the movie was average to me i guess it was all quite predictable. only that puss was abit fatter and cute .

Watched finished we went window shopping at Plaza sing ~ we went to numerous shops and stopped by Couple lab o.o we were tempted to get rings but broke to the bone . so ended up buying nothing :( ... sorry baby . we went back to hougang and take a bus to her place and had dinner before i sent her home :) the dinner was great ..:D baby was shagged awww :( hopefully she had rest well although she was hungry . good night :)

baby today had to stay home to take care of her brother :( well i guess its sacrifice i have to make do as she cant always push away responsibility . so ya she stayed home . i stay home we all stayed home . Nuts so bored ... i just wished she was with me so we can go out and have fun :)

Nevermind we will bear until tomorrow :D when she comes over to have fun :D well I cant wait :D



Labels:

Posted by ben at 8:17 AM

Saturday, January 2, 2010

2nd january 2010

new post saved in daft .............. =D people happy new year ~

Posted by ben at 2:05 PM

25 & 28december2009

25 December 2009
Merry christmas to you baby =D
I hope you like the present i got for you =)

Merry christmas to all out there !




28 December2009

Happy belated 3rd month baby~
Cant post anything cause my desktop died long ago got problem.

sorry about the other day .......
the original post is in the draft ...... so ya .......happy 3rd month baby .......

And to those that are at her blog seriously as long you dont go find trouble with her nothing will come find you .... anything that happens to her i give you 10x worst ...and i mean it ...... so if you are there just to tag you better think twice about trying something funny ...

Labels:

Posted by ben at 12:38 PM

Thursday, December 17, 2009

17th december

just fuck my life... i really hate myself now .... why bother trying to make things better when it only gets worst ? so .... i had enough ....

Labels:

Posted by ben at 8:53 PM

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Our first movie~and our first card

early in the morning i woke up got ready and launched to baby's place to call her up ~ happens to be that someone in the middle of her slumber woke up ...... not me but it disturbed her rest .... so ya i feel kinda sad for her ...... i want her not to be disrupted from her sleep as shes very tired yesterday ......

well she got up she bathed and we had some breakfast at kovan ~ beee hoon+egg+cabbages :D pretty healthy? .Got baby some 100 plus non-chill for her ...tried to help her ease her pain ... everynow and then....she looked so painful i cant do anything ... well i tried my best i guess...

We then headed down to hougang interchange to take 27 to tampines IKEA .Well we got there alighted and ya both of us were in pain for a reason hahahaha XD well.... got that settled .... eh we went in and had a wonderful adventure of our life time we planned so many things said so many things we had go so intrigued by the thing we wanna do we just couldnt stop talking about our future :) it was kinda nice we liked a special display we nicknamed "one room flat"that was a really nice place ....... i wished we could get that now .. it would be great ....


we spend about an hour or so in IKEA and we left that place heading to tampines mall to catch a movie ~ we went into the wrong mall in the start then we moved to the other one next door and ya we found it ~ it was aaround 2.30 we go the tickets to watch the movie we decided 2012 it was kinda nice i guess we had laughter and heroic scenes so ya..... well its our First movie Watching together :D kinda COOL i like it :D .We then headed back to hougang to catch some dinner at the kopitiam .. ended up with yong tao fu's stall food again :D was kinda ,wishing it was. We ordered some ingredients and 2 bowl of rice ,one for each of us .We also printed out a card photo of both of us reminding us of who we love :D anytime we miss them we can look at them :D the staff that did the photo card's service was rather poor i was kinda disappointed .She SUCK at her job!

After eating we headed straight back to baby's place and i sent her home as she was very tired i could tell well hopefully she can rest well tonight... :D today was fun

Labels:

Posted by ben at 10:06 AM

Hold my hands & dont let me go

Early in the morning woke up to go find baby ~ =D kinda happy to see her :D ..
Bath and then got dressed ... headed down to baby's house then ended up she still snoozing and ya ..... well woke her up i guess cause shes having a meeting with her girl guide's mate later ... she got up bathed and we were underway ...... reach there le we bought her school books for next year ~ o.o new books sia ~ hahahaha ...i am strong cause i am using her muscles says baby~ hahahaha

After awhile her friend was at the 119 bus stop waiting for her she had to do a delivery and make a move ..i think she didnt have much time i guess? well nevermind ba baby took the cloth and opened it up sadly it was of wrong measurement ........hiaz ended up her other team mate just woke up and couldnt make it so we headed down to rp and have some breakfast at kopitiam .We had chee chong fun ~ with prawn fillings hahaha ... it was all we still had some bee hoon and a shared a cup of tei peng (ice-tea)~

We head to baby's house to change her clothes in between she wasnt feeling well her tummy was rather not obi-dent and cause her to have a sudden mood swing ...it was because of the tei pengz...she was done although still abit moody we went to my place for me to get changed i did at swift change and we slacked abit near my house but then went to harborfront station ....

There we went shopping for baby's shoe/heels that might fit her ~ but ya proves that it wasnt easy and was rather demoralising as her feet was rather small so ya the sizes they have were abit bigger so it couldnt fit .... well while being at harborfront ,baby really Held my hand tight .... It felt great . I felt alive as she gripped me so hard as if she didnt wanna let me go :D .

we had dinner and ya we headed back ba since there was nothing to do ~ soon i send her home .~

Labels:

Posted by ben at 9:50 AM