Monday, August 24, 2009
Fear of me
Today school life was rather awful ...... i wore some ku ku tight pants ya it was pretty hard walking ... and ya it really sucked.I recieved the results of my maths total for prelims .... it one of my Ace Cards ..... how is it that i failed ..... 65/140marks ......rather disappointing and goes to show failure i am ....
Maths one subject that i plan to ace has just cause a downfall for me ..... i am really losing it ......
Miss matilda huang said that it goes to show two things :
1)the answers i knew that it was confirm correct was not enough to pass me .
2)that i was too careless ,Overconfident .
Damn the hell with maths ...... If this was N level i'll be a goner .luckily it is the prelims therefore still standing a chance in the real exam.The fear of the me going to ITE is really building up i totally do not wish to end up there its not what i want.
The mood for the day was fliped and became sulky and moody but to enlighten me abit,one of my worst subjects turn out to be a pass my Physics .Usually its not good but ya i finally passed 28/50 not that good but ya its an improvement for me from a non pass to a pass .Its a miricale.
Well whatever the case went home and bought my uncle a cake for his birthday .Sad to say he has deceased.It pains me to accept it and to be able to remember him again with just end me up in tears .Either way HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE KEN.
After bringing the cake home went to meet oliver wei jie and steven for dinner then go study in school.Today i tried to really study .I studied physics from chapter 1 to 3 .Then some of us venture into the dark school grounds .
apperently only olivier and me were the only two who went touring the first floor and ya the others all ran like little girls .Lol figurative speech*
This is one thing i been thinking since i retained ...... damit to hell man .My Fear that is there is a gap between my friends and me the level difference is really getting to me just with one grade difference really bothers me alot as now they are gonna have their O levels and leave this school forever .while i am left alone as usual....this time the loneliness is permenate for sure the min they graduate i am all by myself ....... i cherish my friends alot and it pains me that they are leaveing for their better future and i am lacking behind and who is to blame for the extra year ? Yes , me .Its all my fault for working non-stop and destroying my future myself with my own hands and mind i destroyed part of my life .They are whom i have a bond with a part of my life ,apart of me
with them gone ,its gonna be empty ,and without them my body and life is not complete and its left that way .... i dont know what the hell should i do or how to react ...... i guess i will wither with time and live in temporary happiness even if it will last for a min or two .Just as it always was ,the loner who used to have no emotions and no feelings at all .... it will best to just stay a loner and care for no one and no one to care for you therefore only bothering about yourself and being only responsible for yourself only...... hence there shall not be anymore losing of friends or any lost of me and pain that will stumble upon me
Labels: I dont want this to end like this
Posted by ben at 7:05 AM
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I am Lost?
i realised these few days in the period within my prelim till last friday that i am lost in life.The passion drive is not there .And i have no aims in life .I have seem to let off all hope and determination.Damit whats wrong with me ......... i cant tell whats right from wrong now adays .I am so confused i have lost track of my life and my insticts ..... i am lost ? i guess ?
I live a boring life with friends that come by once in awhile .By nature a loner why is it i am scare to be lonely?
thats odd the emotions that potrait this picture is wrong .Everythings wrong, I am wrong .
To whom am i seeking my answers from to whom is it i gain my strenght from ?I want answers and i want a guide ,a guide that will lead my straight from astray though computer games ,gadgets ,enviroment .To be once again the sharp and be able to focus once again .
My wish to be lost again was granted but now i cant get back to my reguilar self . My wish was to be lost and found again being proven that i am wrong in my life and change over .... but i think the process is still preoceeding ....
I am not whom i used to be ,what i wanna be ,as i should be
What the hell am I ? I am still staying in my small and confined space awaiting help .
Sitting in solitude ...i wait alone
Labels: Lost soul
Posted by ben at 8:18 AM
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Two weeks of hell
Finally two week of hell is over .... been well ,fallen sick ,recovered and sick agian.Great........
In between this two weeks plus never update my blog totally no time and i am dead exhuasted by the time i reach home
so ya ...... sleep and the next day begains .... and ya history repeats itself. I had fun talking , playing and training but sadly i am wearing myself and push my limits off the gauge that i am to stay within as by doing so my health is affected by my actions .
D&T FINALLY finished offically ....... hurray . done le .but i screwed up the journal abit so i am not that satisfied one bit
Monday was a pretty nice day ,we laze aroound until like 1 , i was the oragnizer again,so ya i called zu hao ya,never picked up the first two times and it seems that he didnt respond .After bathing and getting dressed up i got a phone call from him and ya agree to meet him at the mrt ya .Dressed up as a black v neck ,transparent glasses,brown geans and a black and white shoe wit a brown backpack with my hoodie and psp inside .then i called bryant and bryan they both said they will meet us there so ya me and zu hao went first and i manage to buy some food from the stall up at plaza sing.$6.60 shit sia i go make set for what sia i got a drink my bag =.= ... hate myself sometimes lol.Met up and limin got the tickets to"G I JOE" oh yeah.....
that was one hell of a whack ass action show . fancy gadgets hot babes and evil viliants ?lol the gadgets are cool as i liked the cyberenchanted suit which ya cost like a billion dollars enchanting your physically strenght , jump and defend ,not only that what ever you think about will pop out infront of your screen. cool huh? I WANT ONE XD
Went all elses fails,We don't. Good phrase .
And heres something else
The Heart is something that keeps us alive until the day it stops beating
but the day your hearts breaks it means that you have lost all emotions
The mind is something that controls all knowns all and informs all
so whatever you think and what ever you do it is send by your mind to you
Love is one that gives us beings thrill to enlighten this miserable world
It can bring momentary joy and bring lots of pain and suffering after so.
But the question is why is that so?
The Second chance to be forgiven is not as easy as it is requested
to earn is one thing to gain and upkeep it is another .
To be able to love again like you used to might be abit difficult
as to all you done ,the opposite knows
so you better think of something new.
Labels: surviving two weeks of hell
Posted by ben at 1:34 AM