Sunday, October 28, 2007

can words be truthed?

To all people out there .... do u think words in this world can be trusted? if u think u can trust this word then u are an idoit ........ words such as " forever" is mostly a lie. and how can u explain the word "i will protect u"?its just the mouth that says it and making another feel good ....... its not really like example the person is gonna be killed and u will rush there to block her bullet or knife stab? no correct? u can save that person of no doubt but u think carefully and ask yourself.... saving this type of person is it worth? and dying for him/her am i happy and fine with that?

then words too aint really reliable..... as people can say dont worry "leave it to me" then that idoit total forgot there u go ....... getting blamed for something that u though u can believe in ....... stupid aint that? ...... words like "i wont give " is trustable but it needs a strong stand to hold it up .... futhermore the word "i will wait for you" is a total bullshit ......... cause how long can u wait ....? yes true you can wait for days , months, years...but does it pay off ? ..are u satifised huh? ....do u think your wait is worth the years and days? ..... stupid words like this should never be used as u can wait but will it even come true no one knows .... and that do you think the other people who u said you will wait be yours .... that is up to fate the rest is total bullshit......

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Posted by ben at 9:08 AM

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

reality?

One has to live a life of a poor and humble family while one may come from a rich and proud family..... thy live in the same world even though u may be poor and rich whats the difference the fact u are human thats enough to end the sentence ......

who gives a damn wheather u are smart rich and handsome ? ..... in this world knowledge is what will provide u with those paper dollars .... which means that if u do not have any knowledge the will power of earning those stupid paper dollars = 0.... simple as that ...

being poor also doesnt mean u can never shine out and be noticed by other people ....... its just that its a rare and seldom chance where a special event or occurance will boost ur level of fame or your chance of shining out in the world..........

i learnt that being poor and stupid does not mean its the end but the fact of being a stupid poor begger, really will leave a scar on me ...... it will really hit me hard and good...... i do not think i will be able to handle that pain or pressure...... given by all the failures...... it pushes me to the very end of what my metal strenght can hold or is up to.......... it leaves me in confusion and a "trap" ...... not knowing what to do first confused by other things that catch the attention of my mind ....... mixed up by all those bull shet ......

Hell does it suck...... being confused ......i cant think straight....... its leading me to a mental breakdown....... not sure if will land in insitute of metal hospital ......... even if should i lose my sense .... its best that i go there ..... lacked of self control will be very dangerous i would rather bang my head agains a wall then to strangle my friend till his death.... without knowing it and doing it with an empty brain...... it really hurts alot ........ i am confused........ help........

thinking too much about too many things how when why and what .... is never too good .... i though for too much and it cause me too many worries ....... demoralising my own spirit to do anything........ it sucks....... and zoning out too many times at 1 shot is not good man .... i can hear what u say but what u say doesnt go inot my head so whats the point ? its as good as u are talking to the wall.......

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Posted by ben at 1:12 AM

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

hopeless failure.....

...i am such a failure.... fail.... fail and more fail....... what the hell man.... this is totally just "great"....my end of year overall result just suck.... great.....i think most likely i am gonna retain for next year.....such a disappointment...... and a unexpected result...... well ...... there is nothing i can say or do ........my results are already in my face..... even if i wanted to blame anyone i can only blame myself........for being that dumb or stupid not being able to learn that much or to learn what the teacher teaches ...... the truth is i suck and i know it...... i already knew that i would get such a result .... i predicted such a downfall...... just that i didnt expect it to be real......

i am a disgrace to myself.... i cant believe that my friends can pass while i am left behind.... man the hell does it suck.... not very happy with that .... friends go pass while i stay behind...... kind of gives me the feeling i am an odd ball or an "xtra" person or left out..... i dont really feel anything anymore.... i have become a "cold" and hated person.... is that it?...... have i just left the world without knowing it? couldnt be.... cause i will be left behind after this year as my friends move on to sec 4 i will stuck at sec 3 ....again.... i will most likely feel abit too uneasy..... due to the fact next year sec 3 of 1993 surround me as sec 3s and i as suppose to be a "sec 4" is stuck at sec 3 ...... its such a disgrace..... my fellow friends who see this post ...... " KNOW THIS AND GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD , IF U DONT NOT WORK HARD NEXT YEAR ...... U WILL SEE MY THE SAME LEVEL AS U THE FOLLOWING YEAR".

As the times go ... thy friends will start to leave and be forgot or get lost ...... no matter how many friends u have they will leave u someday and that will be 1 of the days u will forget or lose contact with them.....then the gaps between u and ur friend will widen up and soon they will not remember who u are even though u can work in the same company or live in the same flat not "recognizing" each other .... and just like that the bond between the friends has disappeared..... thy ..friends shall be with u , and thy friends will slit ur throat....
One may hold the word "friend" as an important "thing" but ,the question is does your "friend" take the "friendship" as important as u? ...... thatz the real question ....

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Posted by ben at 3:09 AM

Monday, October 22, 2007

Wrong ar wrong ar......

hiaz.......... i think i had a very wrong idea man ........ a wrong image .....so what the hell ..... ignore it la......... who cares .... its only 1 of them anyway...... since its no use trying then what for try....? since i am forced to withdraw.... then forget it la ..... been trying so hard and endured that much whats the point? i think i hoped for too much and though of it in a too positive way already...... i think its high time i woke up from dreamland or from daydreamin..... it will never come true so what for......anyway...... give up ..... its no use trying countless attempts which never even improved the situation.....so i think forget it ...... i did too much of thinking i think ......... why will it end this way i do not understand ..... why is it so hard for you to understand...?

o ya my maths test paper overall fail ........ zzz crap..... nothing much expected anyway......

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Posted by ben at 8:43 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Funny day

Today's a funny day....... today was total crappy....... i woke up around 12 like that then a phone call came from an angel ........... asking me to go out .....-.-" then go pasir ris.... dam crap lor rain .........sainz .... then waited till 1 then go out ..... didnt knew what to wear but either way anyhow wear la........

i been wondering for the half the day ...... if i was a bit too "Xtra " there cause all seem to be too quiet and wrong........ i dont really know was i right to even go in the first place......
man it feels so wrong ......zzzzzz then today somehow angel lost her wings and fell from heaven to earth....... zzzzzzzz cant catch her in time .......sad..... well angel ended up with a minor cut la ...... not really that bad cause rainy day ..... well went to watch "wood COCK " the movie..... total crap..... 1 word to describle that show "COCK".....lol dont think this in a dirty way...... its a phrase only......

well after that go home seprated with angel and her friend ........ went home with eric and shawn........ zzzzz we go mac eat until no money ..... T.T all my money.........then go across the road to the oppisite bus stop to accompany eric to wait for his bus..... i had a terrible stomach ache then no choice we left eric and headed immediately to shawn's house ............... then after that we slack at his house for awhile then go play roller blade then at 1+ coming to 2....... i went home ..... still worried for angel.....

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Posted by ben at 11:04 AM

Monday, October 15, 2007

B.boy says

arrghhhh............ yesterday stay out with friend until 4.30am.....walked back from vari nice then ..... fell straight asleep due to tiredness...... breaking ........ then still pack macdonal's store room......... wa paing no more energy liao ...... needa rest to recharge ...........

this morning woke up late.....zzz suppose to mean suhpakit at 8 in the slept until 9 lol =X
pai seh ar....... lol ..... didnt meant to ......... cause no tired liao i am sorry...... ar lol.....
he chased me through the phone and i got down and met him ......... man that hell was training
at the gym nice its been some time since my body felt that good........

after training at gym we went to the nearby coffee shop near my house . after eating we went straight to my house changed into b.boy outfit and departed to meet my friend..........
had quite a nice dance battle but ....it was crappy ............ suhpakit had improved alot and that is good but still he needs to improve more and gain more fexibility........ which i myself needs too as i wanna do nike >>>> XD which i got injured from ............. man seroiusly ouch........it hurts to fall on ur head and for ur leg to hit a metal bar........

anyway i dont care.......... as what ppl would say "no pain no gain" << .... i think its true and that "practice makes perfect" ......... which i am aiming for ......... i wanna get my nike and my airchair T.T........... so hard my wirst power so WEAK......... needa train more ........after that me & pakit met T-G crew and went for dance practice the chero .... lol dam funny but i learnt that my hip twist was wrong .......zzzzzzzzzz now needa relearn its ok i can do iT!

Posted by ben at 9:01 AM

Saturday, October 13, 2007

on coming holidays

zzzzzz......... d&t last paper on weds ...... dam slack............ 2 days holiday monday and tuesday ....
nvm who cares free what XD lol what to do XD slack lor XD ...went breaking but got injured ..
yesterday fall and hit head againts the wall and floor wa dam pain...... see stars......
ouch man ......... breaking is tough but not tough enough to kill the interest of this b.boy
i am not gonna give up i will practice and practice ..... make myself more flexible XD (it sounds
so wrong ) lol ....... if u noe what i mean ......... hopefully i can pass my exams for this year ...

for next year my life will have to change liao no more punking around must become more disciplined and control of my life ....... if not like that can go die liao ...........no need go take N or O
levels ......... man it sucks .............. knowing that u suck u still dont try making u a big sucker then u are ...... not suppose to be ........... arghhhhhhh man kanna bang on the head liao wake up liao...
hahaha to learn such a lesson is really painful if u really got a "bang on the head" man ......
zzzzzzzzz now dont noe what to write liao cause head pain lol ...... sorry man ...... although
i am strong ......... i also got my limit i am no such iron man

Posted by ben at 9:41 AM

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Please let me go up

now end of year exam le
what to do..... choing lor although i know this is a low chance that i will
be promoted to 4na
i still will give it my best although it is not very much likely to pass
please let me passs

Posted by ben at 11:38 PM