Monday, August 24, 2009
Fear of me
Today school life was rather awful ...... i wore some ku ku tight pants ya it was pretty hard walking ... and ya it really sucked.I recieved the results of my maths total for prelims .... it one of my Ace Cards ..... how is it that i failed ..... 65/140marks ......rather disappointing and goes to show failure i am ....
Maths one subject that i plan to ace has just cause a downfall for me ..... i am really losing it ......
Miss matilda huang said that it goes to show two things :
1)the answers i knew that it was confirm correct was not enough to pass me .
2)that i was too careless ,Overconfident .
Damn the hell with maths ...... If this was N level i'll be a goner .luckily it is the prelims therefore still standing a chance in the real exam.The fear of the me going to ITE is really building up i totally do not wish to end up there its not what i want.
The mood for the day was fliped and became sulky and moody but to enlighten me abit,one of my worst subjects turn out to be a pass my Physics .Usually its not good but ya i finally passed 28/50 not that good but ya its an improvement for me from a non pass to a pass .Its a miricale.
Well whatever the case went home and bought my uncle a cake for his birthday .Sad to say he has deceased.It pains me to accept it and to be able to remember him again with just end me up in tears .Either way HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE KEN.
After bringing the cake home went to meet oliver wei jie and steven for dinner then go study in school.Today i tried to really study .I studied physics from chapter 1 to 3 .Then some of us venture into the dark school grounds .
apperently only olivier and me were the only two who went touring the first floor and ya the others all ran like little girls .Lol figurative speech*
This is one thing i been thinking since i retained ...... damit to hell man .My Fear that is there is a gap between my friends and me the level difference is really getting to me just with one grade difference really bothers me alot as now they are gonna have their O levels and leave this school forever .while i am left alone as usual....this time the loneliness is permenate for sure the min they graduate i am all by myself ....... i cherish my friends alot and it pains me that they are leaveing for their better future and i am lacking behind and who is to blame for the extra year ? Yes , me .Its all my fault for working non-stop and destroying my future myself with my own hands and mind i destroyed part of my life .They are whom i have a bond with a part of my life ,apart of me
with them gone ,its gonna be empty ,and without them my body and life is not complete and its left that way .... i dont know what the hell should i do or how to react ...... i guess i will wither with time and live in temporary happiness even if it will last for a min or two .Just as it always was ,the loner who used to have no emotions and no feelings at all .... it will best to just stay a loner and care for no one and no one to care for you therefore only bothering about yourself and being only responsible for yourself only...... hence there shall not be anymore losing of friends or any lost of me and pain that will stumble upon me
Labels: I dont want this to end like this
Posted by ben at 7:05 AM